Jervis - A Class above the Rest Our first Muster was at Bedhampton in 1945

Free from Mother’s apron strings, school discipline and drive.

But a pair of CGIs were itching for us to arrive

To welcome Jervis in a class above the Rest.

Get you ‘air cut, double march and ‘old you eds up ‘igher’

The navy’s way of christening us with their Baptism of Fire

And there were no better ministers than Killer Kent & Dyer

For Jervis in a class above the rest

We dined on Porridge and Kippers and dubious eggs about to hatch

Short arm inspections and numerous injections and a vacination patch

Naval technology thus ensured a dose we’d never catch

Ah well, Jervis in a class above the rest

Our first leave was on VJ night into town in blue serge suit

Eight shillings in our pockets, and self conscious in new boots

Due back on board at nine, arrived at twelve as pissed newts

That was Jervis in a class above the rest

The next twelve months were spent in filing lumps of steel and brass

How to read micrometers, blue-prints, exams to pass

We also learnt how stokers thrived on sheep and feeds of ‘grass’

Jervis in a class above the rest

Condor was our next stop heaving sighs of great relief

‘Airey Fairies’ round us now, apart from some like the Factory Chief

But Effingham taught us the difference between the Sheep and Beef

Jervis in a class above the rest .

We worked hard in the Factory and at school we were no cruds

The cream of naval Tiffies and the Air Arm’s new young Bloods

But the cream turned sour when we were forced to harvest rows of Spuds

Yeah, Jervis in a class above the rest

Being trapped in Easthaven in Winter ‘46

No food, no smokes, no booze we tried so many devious tricks

Like grommets rolled in newspaper to give us all a fix

Wow! Jervis in a class above the rest

Drinking produced Legends,I could write a long epistle

But Reg Howell swallowed pints, and still does now clean as a whistle

I saw sixteen disappear one night at Tooties Nook, The Vaults and The Thistle

What a night, Jervis in a class above he rest

Sat. Night was spent in any pub you’d care to mention

By 9 o’clock you find us trying hard for an extension

We still try hard with not much luck’cos now we’re all on pension

Ah Well! Jervis in a class above the rest

At Jankers with a rifle we would crowhop, run and jump

Round and round the parade-ground feeling every little bump

Then spending Saturday afternoon attacking Jack’s hard lump

So that was Jervis in a class above the rest

All kinds of sports were there to try with Jervis in the teams

Scoring tries or runs or goals by any possible means

But most scoring came on Sundays on the Golden Divans at Greens

Remember Jervis in a class above the rest

Divisions on a Sunday were a cause of much perplexion

Marine Band playing, Rover Gover praying as we underwent inspection

Standing stiff for hours produced a permanent erection

Jervis in a class above the rest

Remember Dundee Palais, Bop and Jive and HoHokey-Cokey

Fixed up with a Last Waltz and thinking all was Okey-Dokey

Then finishing empty handed apart from some chips and an Arbroath Smokey

Jervis in a class above the rest

The years flew past and soon it was our Passing-Out Parade

An anchor sewn upon arm, we thoughtr we’d got it made

Apprentices no more and Arbroath’s memories would fade

Aa! Sob!! Jervis in a class above the rest

We packed our bags, shook hands and moved on draft to our next station

The new responsibility made us burst with concentration

But the pressure building up inside was merely constipation

For Jervis in a class above the rest

But thanks to our Committee, Alec,Tony, John and Pete

We must remember the time and date when next we’re due to meet

We’ll all be geriatrics then so that will be some feat

For Jervis was a class above the rest

Myself, I went to Africa and came across Mandela

He did his fifth five too (inside), a most amazing fella

He even shares his Nelson’s blood with luto in his cellar

Jervis in a class above the rest

(They call it Black Mass)

So tonight we’ll laugh and swap some yarns with lots of naval patter

We’ve lost a few old matesand now we’re balding, grey and fatter

But if we don’t make 2045, well does it f***ing matter

Jervis just a class that’s set to rest.

Garry Smith

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